So You Wanna Be a Tea Party Candidate!

Early on the movement was sufficiently widespread and populist in nature that it was really difficult to define accurately the “typical” Tea Party candidate. Now that the primary season is over scientists have been able to arrive at a template and provide the following short quiz to see how you stack up.


Of the options provided, pick the one you consider closest to your own temperament and/or experience.

When you have completed the quiz, add up your points and check the table at the end.

Question One: Which of the following schools best exemplifies your education?

  1. Harvard
  2. Oklahoma State
  3. Hogwarts

Question Two: Complete this thought: Come_________________

  1. Together
  2. As Your Are
  3. –unist!

Question Three:  When you picture “ the wilderness” what do you see?

  1. An eagle flying over snow-covered mountains.
  2. A log cabin in a dense forest.
  3. Disembodied heads.

Question Four: How strongly do you feel that people should have to pull their own weight?

  1. Very strongly; self-reliance is what makes America great!
  2. Strongly, but on occasion we have to be willing to give a hand up.
  3. It’s adultery to pull-your-own at all!

Question Five: What do you consider the most dangerous foreign threat?

  1. A nuclear Iran.
  2. A reinvigorated Palestinian resistance.
  3. Barrack Obama.

Question Six: What’s the first thing you look for in people?

  1. Good hearts.
  2. Honesty.
  3. The whites of their eyes.

Question Seven: To make the party more inclusive, what are you willing to give minorities?

  1. A seat at the table.
  2. A level playing field.
  3. Their own water fountains.

Question Eight: What is your college degree?

  1. History.
  2. Business Administration.
  3. Fictional.

Question Nine: What will you offer in the debates to reassure the unemployed?

  1. A comprehensive plan to support small business.
  2. Skills training in 21st century professions.
  3. A long, awkward pause.

Question Ten: People are tired of the partisan bickering that has characterized the political debate over the past few years? When your party takes over, what will you offer the opposition as a signal of good will?

  1. A fair chance to put their issues on the table.
  2. Equitable status on important committees.
  3. A map to the highway and a good head start.


0 – 15     Stay in San Francisco and stick to running your pot store.

16 – 29   Old guard republican collaborator! You had your chance.

30          Live free or die, Madam Senator! Live free or die!


About bigshotprof

College Professor in the Communication Studies department at Pace University. My personal life fall somewhere in the gap between less than you want to know and more than you need to know.
This entry was posted in citizenship, climate, Democratic, democrats, Domestic, election, guns, Hispanic, illegal, immigrants, obama, Opinion, president, satire and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s