Burning the Koran: (not really)Official Minutes of the DWOC Executive Committee

Record of Minutes

Executive Council Meeting, Dove World Outreach Center

July 14, 2010: 7:00 PM

Merle Valdosta recording

In attendance:            Merle, Viola, Junior

Absent:                        Edna, Eustice, Junior, Maybelle

Meeting opened w/prayer from Pastor Terry thanking God for so far keeping the Florida gulf coast free of “oil turds” and asking that he please smite our enemies.

Minutes of previous meeting were read, and one correction was made. Wording of Maybelle’s motion to pray to God to bring hell and damnation down on Qi Tran’s Hanoi Nail Salon was changed to hell OR damnation , because it was a first offense. Minutes were approved as amended.

Pastor Terry called for a report from the Denomination Committee.  Junior reported that the committee had decided to recommend that we start our own denomination, because all of the existing denominations are riddled with perfidy and unholy blight, and also because it only costs a little more to start your own than to join an old one. Viola brought up the idea of why even have one. Junior reminded her that they had already decided they needed a denomination, because without it they would lose their tax-exempt status and also the state DMV would not allow the “Abortion is Genocide” license plate covers they had already ordered.

Junior went on to say that they did the research, and it would cost $475 to fill out and submit the paperwork–$482 if we used folders. The committee recommended that we fill out and send in the forms. Junior said that as a token of Christian charity he would spring for the folders. Everyone in the group agreed that that was just like Junior.

Pastor Terry called for a vote on the recommendation. Viola called for a parliamentary point of order and said we could not vote because we did not have a quorum. She then added that she was sorry and was not trying to be a pill.

Pastor Terry asked if we could get one or more of our absent members on the phone to come down and vote. Viola said that Junior was having that thing on is neck looked at again, Eustice was working double shifts, because after the INS raid the plant manager hadn’t been able to scare up any new illegals, nobody knew where Maybelle was, and Edna was at her book burning club. I asked what book they were burning this week. Viola said she thought it was Eat, Pray Love.

Pastor Terry said we would just discuss the issue informally and vote at the next meeting.

Pastor Terry asked where could we come up with $475 to file the report since we had spent nearly our entire budget on those “Barrack Hussein Helps Satan Reign” hand fans.  I suggested that we have a car wash. We checked our calendars, and everyone had Saturday September 11 free. Then Junior said that wouldn’t be good, because he was pretty sure one of those sororities from U Florida was having their car wash that day, and that everyone would go to theirs, because when they wash cars they wear those little skimpy bikinis and get soap suds all over their boobies which people seem to like. So people would go to their car wash instead of ours.

Pastor Terry asked for other ideas and wished out loud that Edna was here, because she always had good ideas. That reminded Viola of something Edna had said about the BBC. A couple of month ago, when they burned that Juno Diaz book they got unsolicited contributions from a couple of anti-Mexican groups out in Arizona. Just got like $600 out of the blue. I pointed out that Juno Diaz was from the Dominican Republic. Pastor Terry said Tomato/To-mah-to and that we might be on to something. He suggested that we publicly burn a book that a whole bunch of liberal humanists would get all worked up over, then we could solicit support from people sympathetic to our cause.  He suggested Darwin’s Origin of the Species, and we all informally agreed, pending a vote, that we would burn that book and keep the date on September 11, because not that many people who just had their cars washed would come to this too because of all the smoke.

Then I suggested that there was something about that date that seemed important. Junior said UF had a home game against South Florida. Then Viola remembered that September 11 was the day a billion Muslims attacked the World Trade Center with airplanes, in New York.  At that point God inspired Pastor Terry to suggest that instead of burning the Darwin book, which would keep, we should burn the Koran instead. Viola asked where we could get that many Korans. Junior suggested that we get them at that Shrine temple downtown. Pastor Terry explained to Junior that he was confusing the mortal enemy of God with the guys who wore fezes and drove those tiny little cars in the parades, and that Junior had gone on record as loving those tiny little cars. Then Pastor Terry explained that we would not need a lot of Korans. If we just got a couple to show the cameras, for the rest we could just take the dust jackets off of the left over Twilight and Harry Potter books in the basement and burn those.

The group agreed that we would put this plan before the whole group next Wednesday.  We asked Pastor Terry how we should publicize the event. He said he was confident that that wouldn’t be a problem. Everyone seemed very excited.

The meeting was adjourned at 7:45 PM.


About bigshotprof

College Professor in the Communication Studies department at Pace University. My personal life fall somewhere in the gap between less than you want to know and more than you need to know.
This entry was posted in Domestic, Opinion, president, satire and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s