Which Troubled Celebrity Are You?

Take this simple quiz to find out.

The police stop you, because you have a broken tail light. When the office shines his flashlight in the car, he sees a small amount of cocaine in plastic wrap on the dashboard. Which of the following are you most likely to say?

  1. There’s been some mistake. This isn’t my car; it belongs to my assistant.
  2. Bitch, why you be throwin’ your product in my car? Officer, git this hoochie and her powder up oughta my car.
  3. Sorry. While I was leaving the drive-thru I backed into a fire truck.
  4. My lights were on?

    Why do you refuse to wear a wrist watch?

    1. I don’t need one; I can tell time by the positions of the moon.
    2. The band keeps catching on my shoulder holster.
    3. The doctors took it when I tried to use it hang myself.
    4. I have a pocket watch. I keep it right here on my arm.

    What’s the first thing that comes into your mind when I say: Double—

    1. Whiskey.
    2. Barrel.
    3. Vision.
    4. . . . .   . . . .  . . . .

    What do you most hope to be in life?

    1. Visible.
    2. Kanye West.
    3. An orphan.
    4. Exactly how I am now, but not like this.

    Do have any big regrets?

    1. I’m not able to. They tell me that regrets require a long term memory and a soul.
    2. Yeah! I regret that one minute ago I didn’t put a cap in your ass. Whoa! There it goes again.  . . Whoa!
    3. I miss Herbie. I think I really could have made it work with Herbie.
    4. No, man. I’m trying to quit.

    Last question: What makes you unique?

    1. I am the only organism in the universe that consumes fuel and emits waste but produces nothing.
    2. Hey. I rap about the truth! The streets! Bitches! Ain’t no one else doin’ that.
    3. Jane Fonda said I am one of America’s most talented young actors. That and I can field strip a colt .45 with my labia.
    4. According to the video, I spent an entire season in rehab with Dr. Drew while I thought I was in a booth at the Yorba Linda Chili’s.


    Add your total score and divide by six (6). Round off to the closest number up or down. See the chart below.

    1= Paris Hilton


    3=Lindsay Lohan.

    4=Gary Busey.

    In the event that you got to the bottom of the quiz an could neither recall your answers no manage the math, consider yourself David Hasselhoff.


    About bigshotprof

    College Professor in the Communication Studies department at Pace University. My personal life fall somewhere in the gap between less than you want to know and more than you need to know.
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