The Bigshot Mindset List for the Class of 2014

  1. They have an average of 1,724 songs on their iPods.
  2. They have never bought music.
  3. They have never gone to a movie nor read a book that did not include a vampire and/or Will Ferrell.
  4. “What is this ‘church’ of which you speak?”
  5. They primarily know Kim Kardashian for her TV show.
  6. They hate it when people won’t talk to them during movies.
  7. They don’t drool over the cast of Gossip Girl; that’s the class of 1974.
  8. Their bogus claim to cross-cultural legitimacy is that they are 1/16th caucasian.
  9. All of their fruit has been eaten by the foot.
  10. They have never performed oral sex in a car; that’s what school stairwells are for.
  11. “What is this ‘News’ of which you speak?”
  12. To them ALL of the Star Wars movies suck.
  13. They have never seen a music video on MTV.
  14. Owing to the lack of music videos on MTV, they have a grossly distorted view of how one should celebrate one’s 16th birthday.
  15. The only state capital they can name is Hannah Montana.
  16. The promise to pay them Social Security benefits will be broken right about the time they have finished financing mine.
  17. They were never led to believe that there would be flying cars.
  18. To them, Hugh Hefner is just some embarrassing old dude who is surrounded by artificial flotation devices.
  19. “What is this ‘dinner table’ of which you speak?”
  20. They don’t understand all of the fuss about homosexuality–because they don’t think it is a big deal, and because they are unfamiliar with the term “fuss.”
  21. All they know about Joss Whedon is that he ruined The Runaways.
  22. They have never seen anyone in a sash and tiara who wasn’t a toddler.
  23. They think Republicans are greedy, selfish dicks, and they can’t remember the name of that other group.
  24. They read pretty much the same books in school that their parents read—in the same books their parents read.
  25. About half of them started college in 2008.

About bigshotprof

College Professor in the Communication Studies department at Pace University. My personal life fall somewhere in the gap between less than you want to know and more than you need to know.
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