Wow! Hi, Ya’ll! I’m so glad you invited me to speak before ya–especially since my daughter’s gettin’ thirty grand a shot to make her own speeches now, and that makes her a bargain! In a recession every dime counts!
Let me just look atcha! Ya know, a good hunter says “Don’t shoot till you see the whites of their eyes.” I say “Don’t speak until you see the eyes of yer whites!” As I am sure you all know, never before in America has the right to bear arms been more under fire than it is in America today. Now like you, I am torn. On one hand there are very few things in the world that aren’t a whole lot more fun when they’re under fire! heck, I’d almost rather be under fire than under Todd, although they’re not all that different. He knows to keep his head down and rarely shoots blanks.
On the other hand, we don’t want fire to be under fire, because if people are firin’ at the firers, then you might . . . fire . . . uh . . . lost my notes. Times like these I wish I had man-hands.
The point is this new guy came hear from Kenyon with only one objective–to take away our guns! Okay, it’s true that he has been in office a year and a half and hasn’t even mentioned guns much at all, but that’s because he doesn’t want to draw attention to it. He’s doin’ in secret–behind the fronts of the backs that are right in front of our eyes. Okay, it’s true that there are more guns in private American hands than ever before, and that so many people are stocking ammunition that shortages are occurring all over the country, but that’s just shows that everyone is buyin’ guns and bullets because thanks to Obama you can’t any more.
We know the war is coming. We know it’s time to take sides. We know that soon the only way to support our troops and be there for our local police is to be well-armed enough and to kill them all when they come to our houses to take away our guns. If I’ve leared anything as I’ve ceaselessly traveled the country meeting with political leaders and spending more time with my family, it is that letting facts get in the way of the truth is dangerous, and that my friends is a fact! Remember, if it looks like a duck, smells like a duck, and quacks like a duck–it’s a duck! Get in a chopper and blow it to kngdom come! And if you don’t see a duck, smell a duck or hear the quack of a duck, that’s all the more reason to lock and load! It means the ducks are up to something!
In conclusion, I just want to say keep fighting the good fight. I promise I will! In fact, I make a solemn vow–wherever liberals try to steal our rights, I’ll be there! Whenever the blame-stream media tries to mucky up the truth, I’ll be there! When there’s work to be done, when the time for words is over and the time for making a commitment, putting your gloves on and pitching in on the unglamourous day-to-day grind from which real change is wrought, I’ll jet in for the day and cheer those people on!
Well, gotta go. Be sure to buy my new book! It’s from my heart. It’s as much from the core of my being as if I was writin’ it myself! OK! Bye Ya’ll! Kill Baby Kill! Palin 0-12, maybe . . . ain’t sayin’ . . . not yet . . . bye!