How to Spot a Real American!

Don’t look any farther east than Pennsylvania or any farther west than Reagan International.

It is American to fight to defend the Constitution, and to demand that its original intentions be protected; it is un-American to read it.

Seat belts are a product of the Nanny-state. A real American considers the windshield an emergency escape hatch.

On the subject of cars, it is un-American to use turn signals; they telegraph your intentions to the enemy.

A real American might stop avowing his support for law and order to find out why his radar detector beeped, but only the rabidly un-American would dwell on the irony of that.

It is un-American to believe there is still racial discrimination. However, to the real American reverse racial discrimination is a cancer that is tearing our country apart.

There is nothing more American than two men burying their heads in each others crotches while locked in a steel cage. There is nothing less American than doing so while locked in a torrid embrace.

It is un-American to speak rhymes about abusing drugs, getting in fights, drinking alcohol and chasing women while wearing do-rags and expensive shoes. It is absolutely American to sing about those things while wearing a hundred dollar Stetson and snakeskin boots.

It is un-American to blow the whistle on your boss; it is All-American to call Immigration on your maids.

Bad Americans believe we descended from an ape; good Americans never pass up the opporunity to behave like one.

It is un-American for Hadji to put his kids in training camps to teach them how to hate and kill. The only such camps that are real American are located in the upper Northwest and sponsored by Jesus.

It is un-American to have sex before you are married, unless you are in college and drunk or alone at work and propositioned by a professional athlete. At that point it is un-American to say no.

A real American should feel free to walk down any street, at any time, for any reason, because that is what freedom means. It is un-American for un hombre Americano to do so without his papers.

So, do you think you can spot a Real American?

Guess again, Commie! If you even  read this far this answer is NO!


About bigshotprof

College Professor in the Communication Studies department at Pace University. My personal life fall somewhere in the gap between less than you want to know and more than you need to know.
This entry was posted in citizenship, Democratic, democrats, Domestic, guns, Hispanic, illegal, immigrants, Opinion, republicans, satire, schools, texas, violence and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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