The Boys on the Serial Bus: Tea Party Convention Special–Voter Literacy Test.

In his speech before those assembled at the first annual National Tea Party convention, Tom Tancredo called for a renewal of Voter Literacy Tests in American elections. The assembled became galvanized around the notion and created a first draft of such a document. As a public service, I am reproducing that draft below.

Remember, this is just a draft, not the final product.

The Proposed Voter Literacy Test of the 2010 National Tea Party Convention.


Following are ten (10) questions that anyone who wishes to vote in a local, state or federal election must answer. Voters must score at least 8 out of 10 to pass. In the interest of Affirmative Action, the person/s giving the test should identify the test-taker as a member of one of the following groups and use the appropriate answer key when grading:

Group One: Non-Caucasians and voters under 21 years of age.  Key= Answer A correct.

Group Two: Registered Republicans. Key= Answer B correct.

Group Three: Self-identified Tea Party Movement Members. Key= Answer C correct.

1. How many times has the Constitution been amended?

  • A. 27.
  • B. Well . . . there’s the right to bear arms, then . . . I guess . . . a bunch of others.
  • C. That’s a trick question! Prayers get Amen-ded, not Constitutions.

2. What was President John Kennedy’s stirring call to public service?

  • A. “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.”
  • B. “Bobby, when you’re done with Marilyn send her up.”
  • C. “There is no “I” in civility.”

3. Who won the Civil War?

  • A. The Union.
  • B. The enemy.
  • C. The civilians.

4. What is “Eminent Domain?”

  • A. A means by which government can appropriate private property at fair market value for public use.
  • B. The quickest way to turn a useless slum into a useful interstate.
  • C. A house that will get built any minute now.

5. What is “bicameral?”

  • A. A two-party system of legislation.
  • B. A political system divided into Republicans and extremists.
  • C. The ability to take two pictures at once.

6. What is the Mayflower Compact?

  • A. The first governing document of the Plymouth Colony.
  • B. The last conservative government of Massachusetts.
  • C. Dolly Parton’s make-up kit.

7. What is a “Miranda Warning?”

  • A. A set of instructions that must be given to anyone arrested, describing that person’s right to counsel before questioning.
  • B. A get-out-of-jail-free card.
  • C. Good advice for Miranda in case she thinks about dating outside her race.

8. What is the pluribus in “E Pluribus Unum?”

  • The Many in the motto “Out of the Many, One.”
  • Part of a Socialist line on money that should be replaced by “Live Free or Die.”
  • Where babies come from.

9. What do George Washington and Barack Obama have in common?

  • A. Each will be written into history as significant—Washington because he was the first President, Obama because he was the first American President of color.
  • B. Each had followers who thought he should be king.
  • C. Neither was born in the United States.

10. What is “Don’t Ask; Don’t Tell?”

  • A. A compromise negotiated by the Clinton administration to allow homosexuals to serve in the military without changing the formal policy banning them.
  • B. The next in a long line of liberal appeasements to our foreign enemies.
  • C. The episode of Maury where they announce the results of the paternity tests.

About bigshotprof

College Professor in the Communication Studies department at Pace University. My personal life fall somewhere in the gap between less than you want to know and more than you need to know.
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One Response to The Boys on the Serial Bus: Tea Party Convention Special–Voter Literacy Test.

  1. hippieprof says:

    Love it!

    On a serious note, I am still waiting for SOMEONE on the right to show some outrage over Tancredo. Really – there has to be someone, right?

    Here is my recent post on the topic….

    — hippieprof

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